Hiccups
by katie-elise
Summary: L has the hiccups, and Light is determined to find a cure...however unorthodox said cure might be. LxLight


_A/N: I had the hiccups. Crack ensued. Seriously, I have issues with getting random story ideas. *rolls eyes* Oh well! _

_I don't own Death Note, or Dick Cheney. Although you make suspect as to which one I would prefer to possess._

_EDIT: Note, I ALWAYS forget to click the complete box. SO, this IS complete. :P  
_

Hiccups

"HIC!"

………………"HIC!"

………

"HIC!"

"L WOULD YOU STOP THAT ALREADY!?!?!" Light glared over at the detective. He couldn't concentrate with that…_noise_.

"Light-kun, I would not be HIC! hiccupping if I had a HIC! choice".

Light grumbled under his breath but otherwise stayed silent. L was, as per usual, annoyingly right. He couldn't control the fact that he was hiccupping.

So, releasing a sigh of resignation, Light focused his attention back on his (HIC!) Excel spreadsheet. He was attempting to categorize Kira's (HIC!) victims based not only on what type of crime they had committed, but also by their defining physical traits, such as (HIC!) gender, BMI, and hair color.

He wasn't really sure what help this was going to be to the investigation (frankly, who cared if Kira killed more blondes than brunettes?) but L (HIC!) had insisted that these statistics were of vital importance.

Light rubbed his temple, using every (HIC!) shred of his (HIC!) willpower to tune out the aggravating sounds emanating from the man next to him.

HIC HIC HIC!

Damn it.

"L, why don't you do something about that instead of just sitting there gulping like an oversized and undercooked fish every 5 seconds?"

L stared back at the irate Light with huge, innocent eyes. "I don't know what to do, Light-kun, as I have never experienced my diaphragm skipping before".

"You've never had the hiccups".

"Never".

Light couldn't help rolling his eyes. He knew L wasn't like other people…but to have never had the hiccups? It made Light wonder if L was actually some kind of mutant android.

"Well, there are a variety of cures we can try".

"NO tonics" L demanded, making a face.

"Okay…tonics aren't usually used for the hiccups, anyway. I guess the most palatable option for you is eating a spoonful of sugar" Light hate suggesting it, but…it certainly seemed fitting.

L's face lit up; _sugar_ counted as medicine? Did the world get any more beautiful? "So I just…eat a spoonful of sugar?"

"That's the idea. You have to let it dissolve in your mouth, though; don't swallow it".

L licked the tea off his spoon, then using it to scoop a mound of sugar from the little bowl nestled on the side table by his computer. He put the entire thing in his mouth, smiling merrily as he slid the spoon from between his lips and let the sugar dissolve.

Light waited in anticipation.

…..

……………

…HIC!

"Okay, so that didn't work".

"It could be that my usual HIC! consumption of HIC! sugar has rendered me immune to this technique".

"I wouldn't be surprised".

"What HIC! other methods can we try?" L inquired somewhat suspiciously.

"OH MY GOD KIRA JUST KILLED WILLY WONKA!" Light pointed in horror at his computer screen.

L promptly toppled out of his chair, eyes wide with disbelieving shock…HIC!

"Guess that didn't work either".

"What?! What didn't work? Willy Wonka's DEAD?!?!"

"L, I wasn't serious. I was trying to scare you. It's supposed to get rid of the hiccups".

A look of extreme relief passed over L's face, quickly replaced by a sullen expression as he seated himself back in his chair. "I prefer the first method".

"Ummm…think of all the bald men you can".

"Dick Cheney".

"What?"

"Dick HIC! Cheney".

"He's not bald…"

"Almost. Why am I HIC! doing this?"

"It's supposed to distract your attention. But obviously it's not working".

"ObviousHIC!ly"

"Let's try…standing you on your head".

"HIC! No".

"Oh, come on, L. You can't stay like this forever."

"You are not HIC! getting me to stand on my head".

"FINE, whatever.

"Let's see, we could have you balance something on your nose…"

"No".

"Get someone to threaten you with a gun…"

"Definitely HIC! not".

"I could punch you in the gut…"

"I respectfully decline HIC!".

"Try holding your breath".

……

……….HIC!

"HOLY HELL, L, JUST STOP ALREADY!"

" I have already informed Light-kun that I HIC! cannot!"

"Okay, we need to calm down and figure this out. Basically, all the cures I know involve either changing your breathing or being distracted. So all we need to do is find a way to combine the two". Light temporarily lost himself in deep thought.

"I resent HIC! doing anything involving intentionally HIC! suffocating myself" L objected, wrinkling his nose and glaring at Light, who had a mischievous glint in his eye and was getting up from his desk chair.

L's glare was rapidly replaced by a horrified, dawning realization as Light settled himself abruptly on L's lap, straddling the detective and attaching his lips to L's collarbone.

L's breathing was quite effectively altered as Light kissed his way up the man's neck, and he was certainly distracted when Light's lips demandingly met his own. L, to his own surprise, found himself kissing back. Light was…_astoundingly_ talented with his mouth, and soon L had his hands on the man's hips and was yanking Light more fully onto his lap, then letting his fingers wander south…

Of course, it was just at this moment that Soichiro Yagami chose to enter the room. L noticed immediately, but Light was a little slower on the uptake, kissing L harder and whining a little when the detective was unresponsive.

Realizing that something was amiss, the younger Yagami glanced over his shoulder and straight into the shocked eyes of the elder. "Ahem. Uh. You see, L had the hiccups, and we were endeavoring to find a method of relief involving both altered breathing and mental distraction…"

"And you couldn't have gone swimming?" Soichiro shook his head.

HIC! L chose this opportune time to recommence hiccupping.

"Try drinking water from the wrong side of the glass", Light's father recommended, leaving to go find some asprin.

L dragged Light over to the kitchen, filled a glass, looked completely ridiculous trying to accomplish the task….and it worked.

The two men leaned against the counter, both looking utterly worn and defeated.

"You know, Light-kun, I hear that the best cure for mental distress caused by parents is to make out with someone".

Light allowed a small smile to creep onto his face. "Is that so".

"Yes, I read it on the internet".

"Which of course is never wrong".

"Never".

"Then we'd better try it".

"If we did not, what kind of detectives would we be?"

"Very shoddy ones".

"Very shoddy ones indeed".

_A/N: I found all the cures except the first two and last one online. Seriously. "Think of as many bald men as you can" was the first suggestion on the second site google provided. The last cure is the one I use, and it has never failed me. :) _

_Review and share the cure that always works for you :D  
_


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